I stumbled on this article tonight on Psych Central and decided to share it. If you ever need to be forgiven or to forgive someone else, these guidelines will help you through that tough situation.
Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Here are some easy steps towards forgiveness:
- Acknowledge your own inner pain.
- Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways without yelling or attacking.
- Protect yourself from further victimization.
- Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.
- Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.
- Decide whether to remain in the relationship.
- Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in writing. If the person is dead or unreachable, you can still write down your feelings in letter form.
What Forgiveness Is Not…
- Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It did happen, and we need to retain the lesson learned without holding onto the pain.
- Forgiveness is not excusing. We excuse a person who is not to blame. We forgive because a wrong was committed.
- Forgiveness is not giving permission to continue hurtful behaviors; nor is it condoning the behavior in the past or in the future.
- Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether to maintain our distance.